Nebraskashire Gentry

Elected Exile

2009-01-11T12:10:00.006-06:00

I am away south to seek my fortune. inexhaustible though the Caddingham estate is, how rewarding it might feel to claim some measure of it as my own--no matter how small may be that contribution.

hopefully it is a fleeting impulse but America has evoked in me a desire to accomplish something through my own talents and exertions. still, and despite my relocation, I've no intention to allow my disposition to be further altered.

accounts of my latest adventures are available at Rusticates of Misboury.

The Personal History and Experience of David Copperfield the Younger

2008-08-15T10:33:00.013-05:00

again, each post shall provide only summaries of the assigned chapters. I hope lively discussion of the characters and themes present in each week's reading will appear in the comments section.

chapter one ("I am Born"): young David exhibits wit and self-deprecation as he recounts his own birth and earliest experiences. his father, having died months before, left his mother a small pension upon which she and her servant, Peggotty, plan to raise the child. a wealthy aunt of his father, Mrs. Betsey Trotwood Copperfield, appears. she is convinced young David shall be born a girl; should her niece-in-law name the child after her, Mrs. Betsey Trotwood Copperfield will be its generous benefactor. unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), Mrs. Copperfield's baby is a boy. she names him David.

chapter two ("I Observe"): David's mother is young and beautiful. their servant, Peggotty, is old and fat. he loves them both but Peggotty provides more consistent reciprocation as his mother begins to call frequently at a neighbour's home; there she meets Mr. Murdstone. Murdstone comes to their home and, though he possesses dark whiskers and a darker countenance, takes David on an enjoyable trip to the coast. David knows not exactly what transpires but, while there, Mr. Murdstone also meets with some unscrupulous characters. meanwhile, Mrs. Copperfield plans to send David away to Yarmouth for two weeks with Peggotty.

chapter three ("I have a Change"): David and Peggotty visit Yarmouth to stay with the latter's brother. Mr. Peggotty lives in a boat beached and converted to a home with his orphaned niece (Emily) and nephew (Ham) and Mrs. Gummidge, the widow of Mr. Peggotty's fishing partner. despite Mrs. Gummidge's constant complaints, David has a wonderful time in Yarmouth. he kisses little Emily and admits that he loves her but predicts an unfortunate end for the child. on the way home, Peggotty tells him that Mrs. Copperfield married Mr. Murdstone while they were away. David is not as excited as Peggotty by the prospect of his "new Pa!".

chapter four ("I fall into Disgrace"): Mr. Murdstone's sister comes to stay with the new Mrs. Murdstone and her son. the siblings instruct David's mother in the less-than-subtle method of firmness with regard to modifying David's behaviour. made nervous by such hostility, David confuses his recitations. for this he is scolded and beaten. during his flogging, he bites Mr. Murdstone. Murdstone locks David in his room as further punishment. days later, Miss Murdstone brings David food and informs him that he will be sent away to school in the morning.

chapter five ("I am sent away from Home"): Mr. Murdstone puts David on a carriage to Yarmouth. Peggotty stops the carriage on the road to give David some money and the driver questions David about the servant, seemingly interested in the woman romantically. at Yarmouth, David hires a carriage to London. Mr. Mell meets David at the station. they go to Mell's mother's home for the afternoon and afterward to Salem House. there David is given a placard to wear that he initially assumed was for a dog; on it is written, "Take care of him. He bites". as all the other boys are away on holiday, he and Mell work at the school in the days before the start of the next term.

chapter six ("I enlarge my Circle of Acquaintance"): the headmaster, Mr. Creakle, informs David that he is a friend of Murdstone and a ruthless and unforgiving personage. the boys take pity on David. the leader of the boys at Salem House is J. Steerforth. David entrusts him with what's left of his money (some having been swindled from him by a waiter at a restaurant in Yarmouth) and is further taken advantage of when Steerforth uses it to buy liquor and sweets for the others. still, this guarantees David a certain degree of protection from Creakle as his daughter and Steerforth care for each other and, as such, Creakle leaves alone Steerforth and his friends.

Idle Chatter

2008-08-14T10:11:00.003-05:00

far be it from me to question my father but I warned him against the cultivation of potatoes at Lake Park. his insistence has invited rather unseemly speculation by our neighbours with regard to our family.

the least defamatory of which suggests our need, presumably due to an inability to pay higher prices for foodstuffs out of season, to store food for the winter-- a sure sign of reversed fortunes. the most offensive comments insinuate an Irish heritage.

Don't Miss It, Don't Even Be Late

2008-08-13T08:41:00.003-05:00

however unfortunate is this juxtaposition and appropriate the resultant metaphor,

none could argue that "BIG BOAR" is not a ridiculous understatement in terms of the actual beast (really, the photograph ought also feature an obese teenager to provide scale).

Apt Recognition

2008-08-12T08:13:00.006-05:00

the abhorrent priorities of the nouveau riche aside, the wealthy regularly donate to institutions worthy of their generosity. the Caddinghams deem the agricultural division of the state fair of Iowhampton such a one; the butter cow, flower arrangements and giant squash so featured delight the simple fair-goers.

for such, our names forever pave the walkway to the Agriculture Building at the fairgrounds.

A Joyous Occasion

2008-08-11T09:20:00.010-05:00

though unconscionable to rank one's relatives, my partiality could hardly be doubted.

today is the birthday of a favourite aunt, Mrs. Dolores Jennings Van der Hoof Walker.

in future, banks shall assuredly follow society's example and enjoy a holiday every eleventh day of August.

First Meeting of the Quiet Desperation Book Club

2008-08-08T12:28:00.007-05:00

after imbibing more brandy than should two gentleman sharing a noonday meal, cousin Cecil revealed to me that he never finished The Personal History and Experience of David Copperfield the Younger.

"there were just too many pages," said he.

obviously, I was scandalized.

then I realized that nor had I ever read beyond chapter six, saying at the time that "[t]here are just too many pages and I really ought to read something else now".

thus we resolved to finish the book together.

as it has been nearly a decade since either of us last attempted to read The Personal History and Experience of David Copperfield the Younger, both of us will start again at the beginning. and, for a number of reasons (each chapter is so convoluted, other books may strike our fancy in the meantime and we feel no external obligation to finish post haste), we have decided to read only six chapters each week, completing the task by mid-October.

every Friday, I will summarize the chapters from the previous week. I hope others besides myself and Cecil will participate and post their comments after each such installation.

this begins next Friday when I shall recount the details of Mr. Copperfield's birth (chapter one) through the enlargement of his circle of acquaintance (chapter six).

"Vanity" License Plate

2008-08-07T09:08:00.004-05:00

though ever ready to indulge my appreciation for the ironic, the placement of this proclamation at back of a dented and rusty "Chevrolette pick-up" reveals it as an earnest cry for help made by one truly in need, neither exaggerating nor reveling his situation and certainly not doing so for comedic effect.

I intended to assist the owner of this motorized conveyance until I realized that the money he might need for groceries would have been available had he not spent such on a personalized license plate.

America's Most Precious Natural Resource

2008-08-06T11:23:00.004-05:00

delicious.

A Death in the Family

2008-08-05T11:57:00.009-05:00

yesterday I attended the funeral of a miserly uncle. no one shared anything nearing praise of a man whose life was so grudgingly lived but, due to his sizable holdings in Nebraskashire (including the family's original homestead) and the Canadian wasteland of Alberta, all hoped to hear to whom he so bequeathed.

An Evening in Pea Ridge

2008-08-04T11:35:00.010-05:00

when not enlisting fire brigades and battling "claims adjusters", I spent time in Pea Ridge, Arkansington. it was the site of a battle during that disastrous conflict between the states.

seemingly, it has changed little in the century and a half since "the ugliness".

a musical group performed at the town's summertime jamboree. several members boast no meager talent. they sang of fire and brimstone as well as salvation and the rapture.

admittedly, I preferred those tunes featuring the latter.

and although the town square at Pea Ridge is no Twelve Oaks,

the Wilkes family never provides such novel diversions at their picnics.

General Sherman: Hardly a Gentleman

2008-07-24T09:56:00.009-05:00

I apologize for the lately sporadic nature of my posts.

after my reticence to install a gas line, a faulty stove nearly laid ruin the Caddingham Estate at Arkansington last week.

although normally atwitter when so validated, oversight of the many repairs leaves me exhausted and little able to make good on the promises I made months ago to attend myriad social engagements nor even post daily accounts of my adventures.

Temujin, in Casual Company

2008-07-22T10:30:00.003-05:00

this film taught me that, contrary to popular belief, not all Asians look exactly alike.

however, it confirmed that they display little or no sense of humor.

Benchmark Preceeding One's Imminent Demise

2008-07-21T08:15:00.004-05:00

to commemorate this, my 100th entry, I proffer not the usual commentary. today I provide something more personal.

the photograph above pictures your correspondents. all play a game popular among Italians and geriatrics. most clad in short pants--the regrettable accoutrement of summertime leisure. few know the rules nor recognize how ridiculous they appear. none are much bothered.

Central High School

2008-07-18T09:43:00.007-05:00

situated where once stood the territorial capitol of Nebraskashire, listed among the oldest schools in the region, housed within a building mistakable as a legitimate example of Beaux-Artes and plagued by adolescent drug-use and pregnancies kept secret, Omaha's Central High School boasts all the qualities of an elite preparatory academy.

yet so insufferable do I find the manner of its students and alumni; they exaggerate its status--forgetting that the high school is a public institution and that not every graduate wins a Nobel Prize.

Roman L. Hruska Federal Building

2008-07-17T08:45:00.003-05:00

despite honoring a conservative Czechoslovakian politician, the federal courthouse affronts not the surrounding structures; its architecture balances these most pronounced characteristics of its namesake to achieve a design neither austere nor Bohemian.

still: nearly half the height of most buildings adjacent, it is doubly dispensable.

The Main Branch of the Omaha Public Library

2008-07-16T08:32:00.007-05:00

proof positive that an enclosed space and the right kind of people constitute an asylum.

New Seattle

2008-07-15T08:50:00.006-05:00

thunderstorms and perpetual cloud cover have plagued Omaha these past months, certainly challenging Seattle's attribution as the most overcast city in America.

unfortunately, the residents of Nebraskashire possess neither the oceanfront property nor dour dispositions which seemingly help the citizens of Seattle live under such conditions.

Monuments to Contemporary Cinema

2008-07-14T09:09:00.009-05:00

Independence Day

2008-07-04T09:11:00.001-05:00

as ever, I spend the 4th of July in the South; a region which, less than a century after the Declaration of Independence, nearly brought the nation asunder.

some say the irony is palpable. others argue that I doubly celebrate the spirit of America by detonating explosives somewhere so wrought with independence that it sacrificed its resources, institutions and values in an attempt to achieve such.

I fail to appreciate either the irony or the confluence because I barely recognize the United States of America as a sovereign nation and little desire to examine the nuances of its petulance...nor that of its constituent parts.

to me, Arkansington provides a place to launch fireworks purchased in the even more lawless state of Misboury; Nebraskashire permits only the most pedestrian pyrotechnics.

The Qwest Center

2008-07-03T08:34:00.003-05:00

similar to the Colosseum of ancient Rome, Omaha's event center may be converted to accommodate aquatic events.

also like the Colosseum, The Qwest Center will eventually fall into disrepair.

Political Commentary

2008-07-02T08:08:00.001-05:00

I rarely concern myself with American politics. however, when I do occasion an opinion on such matters, it is wonderful to know that someone not only reads but appreciates my thoughtful commentary.

Field Club of Omaha

2008-07-01T08:10:00.003-05:00

a storm of inestimable force wreaked havoc on wealthy and middling neighborhoods alike last Friday evening.

the city's oldest golf course escaped not without a thrashing--among the downed trees is an ancient oak which stood on the eleventh green.

an injustice of such magnitude has not been perpetrated upon our neighborhood country club since the outcome of Goldstein, Katz, Wasserman v. Field Club of Omaha stipulated that the institution ease its membership requirements.

Retrospective: An Era Before Tungsten

2008-06-30T08:03:00.001-05:00

A Rumination

2008-06-27T10:38:00.020-05:00

however beautiful a place to visit is Californing, I cannot take permanent residence where:

roadways are so shamefully maintained,

mirrored lakes become impenetrable wetlands (however slowly),

roast duck is not more ably prepared,

snow persists well into the summer,

"burgers" are produced in short order and may contain within a single bun multiple patties,

the indigenous population is so brazenly fecund and fainéant,

and, judging only from the screams for I dared not venture too near, seaside visitors are subject to all manner of Medieval torture.

The Flora of the Sierra Nevada

2008-06-26T08:37:00.012-05:00

it is difficult to determine which to celebrate with greater fervor: the roaring waters or the verdant forest nourished by the cascade.

the clothespin tree.

La Porte de l'Enfer.

The Fauna of the Sierra Nevada

2008-06-25T08:01:00.010-05:00

the tree at the end of the world.

a jay. presumably in mourning.

a thing of this size can only be the foot of a brontosaur.

Half Dome

2008-06-24T10:17:00.002-05:00

never before has half of anything so stirred my soul.

Arabesque for Kenneth Anger

2008-06-23T08:04:00.003-05:00

Yosemite National Park

2008-06-16T08:07:00.003-05:00

I am away west on holiday. this week, I shall scale Half Dome then convalesce at one of many seaside resorts named for a Spanish saint.

Anthracite

2008-06-13T09:55:00.002-05:00

a train impeded my way. worse, each railway car brimmed with coal.

if such continues, this place shall become little better than Manchester.

Night of the Twisters

2008-06-12T10:45:00.008-05:00

a sudden severe meteorological episode disrupted a delightful garden party; this convinces me that forecasting the weather is, at best, a pseudoscience.

Wells Fargo

2008-06-11T06:37:00.004-05:00

for the rare occasions that a Cézanne is not an accepted mode of exchange, I keep more liquid assets at this venerable institution.

Council Bluffs

2008-06-10T05:50:00.004-05:00

although known primarily for casinos, low-class shopping establishments and even lower class inhabitants, the downtown area provides a brilliant contrast to the parts of the city frequented by outsiders.

Monument to a Geodesic Age

2008-06-09T05:40:00.003-05:00

A Reversal of Fortune

2008-06-06T09:19:00.007-05:00

a rather cruel twist of fate necessitates my temporary employment with the local school district. until I mitigate the effects of an ill-advised investment, I teach those so unfortunate as to be born too near the equator to speak English properly.

worse, I work at a school named for Nebraskashire's most famous politician--a populist silverite Presbyterian who supported all manner of anarchic activity.

Adverts

2008-06-05T08:56:00.005-05:00

many welcome Omaha's first advertisement of this size.

I do not share their appreciation for such an ostentatious display of capitalism's most undignified upshots: sales and marketing.

Tea Time

2008-06-04T08:43:00.005-05:00

a perfect day for a refreshing glass of SunTea--prepared by Rothchild to my precise specifications, of course.

The Farmer's Market

2008-06-03T10:00:00.005-05:00

each Saturday, local merchants and growers overwhelm blocks of Omaha's Downtown in ever-increasing numbers. retailers importune passersby to stop at makeshift stalls to appraise homemade wares or sniff honeysuckle and fresh tomatoes.

normally I could not praise something so provincial but it was there that last weekend, at the behest of a small Oriental man, I purchased the most delicious radishes. verily, they were the talk of next day's tea.

Monument to a Woven Age

2008-06-02T10:56:00.001-05:00

Stricken

2008-05-30T11:03:00.008-05:00

over the past days, a pestilence descended upon Lake Park; never before have I been so afflicted. Dr. Moreau stated that he had not ever seen the excess of yellow bile as he witnessed in me.

most confounding is that I have not encountered a Poor, the most likely source of infection, in weeks.

The Genesis of the Butterfly

2008-05-28T08:35:00.004-05:00

The dawn is smiling on the dew that covers
The tearful roses; lo, the little lovers
That kiss the buds, and all the flutterings
In jasmine bloom, and privet, of white wings,
That go and come, and fly, and peep and hide,
With muffled music, murmured far and wide.
Ah, the Spring time, when we think of all the lays
That dreamy lovers send to dreamy mays,
Of the fond hearts within a billet bound,
Of all the soft silk paper that pens wound,
The messages of love that mortals write
Filled with intoxication of delight,
Written in April and before the May time
Shredded and flown, playthings for the wind's playtime,
We dream that all white butterflies above,
Who seek through clouds or waters souls to love,
And leave their lady mistress in despair,
To flit to flowers, as kinder and more fair,
Are but torn love-letters, that through the skies
Flutter, and float, and change to butterflies.

Papaver Rhoeas

2008-05-27T08:16:00.003-05:00

this poppy brings to mind Flanders Field and, though significantly hazier, presumed days slept away in an opium den of ill repute in London's East End.

Monuments to a Once Great Nation

2008-05-26T08:11:00.002-05:00

St. Cecilia's Cathedral

2008-05-23T08:13:00.003-05:00

the summer season of society weddings begins this afternoon with the marriage of Mister Basil E. F. Ludlow to Miss Marianne Hester Kilpatrick Lynnwood--he the most eligible bachelor in the county, she a maiden with a dowry that more than adequately ameliorates her physical deficiencies and a rare practicing Catholic of marriageable age.

despite the mysterious rituals which nightly occur there, quite lovely is the chapel in daylight.

National Olympic Trials

2008-05-22T08:55:00.009-05:00

rarely do I revel such things but in this case I must gloat that my father procured tickets to the premier contest of the summer (as our municipality shall host an event of international consequence this year, aquatic sport as the summertime diversion of the upper class supersedes polo matches and archery competitions).

and while I anticipate an exciting outcome to the 400 Individual Medley, at present I find myself most delighted that our seats are a full seven rows ahead of those granted the Caddinghams.

Pin Oaks

2008-05-21T08:59:00.003-05:00

I admit that I occasionally exhibit an inability to see the trees for the forest.

today I shall inundate myself with details.

Some Time Between Eleven and Four

2008-05-20T08:09:00.001-05:00

undoubtedly Omaha's best place for brunch.

Monument to a Dappled Age

2008-05-19T09:48:00.005-05:00

The Shire

2008-05-16T09:56:00.000-05:00

for some time, I have felt certain that here rest the Entwives.

Thieving

2008-05-15T09:06:00.004-05:00

some nefarious creature has stolen yellow.

Ed Grimley and Other Inexplicably Beloved Characters of Yesteryear

2008-05-14T07:53:00.007-05:00

I attended a charity benefit this past weekend. generally, I avoid such events but my donation promised a special dispensation and an entertainment. I was intrigued.

special guest Martin Short provided a marked departure from good taste. I was aghast.

Cheshire Circa 1852

2008-05-13T10:53:00.010-05:00

if those imbeciles at BBC can develop a most bewitching series, I feel certain that the tales of my life with Cecil Augustus Downing found so engrossing at parties will appeal to an even wider audience.

Monument to a Simian Age

2008-05-12T08:35:00.008-05:00

Cecil Augustus Downing

2008-05-09T10:43:00.009-05:00

I reserved judgment on Cecil Augustus Downing's posts until I had anatomized his work.

although I take issue with his vegetarianism, opinion of my father and statements regarding the above image (assuredly, this is a most unfortunate coincidence), he ably discharged his task. Mr. Downing exhibits a sentimentality which tempers the tone of my posts, softening the haughty impression most have of Nebraskashire Gentry.

more from my dear cousin can be expected.

Immodest Proposals

2008-05-08T10:16:00.008-05:00

the particulars of this deal confound me less than the concept of a "sale"; to think, some people actually become more prone to purchase an item as it decreases in price!

the thought of a man donning anything more revealing than a bathing suit is equally beyond comprehension.

Harper's Weekly Covers

2008-05-07T10:49:00.008-05:00

a subject suitable to Winslow Homer.

Cranford

2008-05-06T10:24:00.005-05:00

rarely do I concern myself with culture exhibiting any approximation of widespread appeal. however, in the rare case when art (even in the form of a remarkably vulgar media) imitates life with such fidelity, I must acknowledge the achievement.

"Cranford" is, in a word, resplendent.

Monument to a Locomotive Age

2008-05-05T10:27:00.001-05:00

Vegetarianism

2008-05-02T08:29:00.007-05:00

in homage to the mystics and snake charmers of the Near East I so admire, I have all but eliminated meat from my diet; allowances must be made for the occasional, fresh-caught fish.

ungulates and fowl need no longer fear the swift action of my cook's butchering knife.

Benchmarks Preceeding One's Imminent Demise, Part II

2008-05-01T10:16:00.010-05:00

today, my dear uncle Greggory DeForrest Caddingham celebrates the day of his birth.

his son, my cousin, Nichol Caddingham anxiously awaits the day when he is the preeminent Mr. Caddingham; he shall own Lake Park.

then, like his father, Nichol Caddingham's duties will primarily involve the maintenance of the estate's many fountains and the arrangement of his daughter's marriage to a man deeply "engaged in his employment" who plays billiards decently and knows the value of a cigar.

Tears in Aisle Nine

2008-04-30T08:28:00.007-05:00

a beautiful memorial to an extraordinarily ordinary individual.

Convenient Coincidence

2008-04-29T10:55:00.006-05:00

after much needling, my cousin has allowed me to share my thoughts on life as a gentleman in Nebraskashire. I have the remainder of the week not to fail miserably; thereafter, my opinions may warrant an occasional post.

although I accept my cousin's assessment of our relationship, I find the juxtaposition of these entries not insignificant. Mr. Caddingham's ambivalence remains unquestioned but he may harbor slightly more affection for me than he cares to admit. however, by advancing such a theory, I shall certainly reinvigorate his disdain.

Monument to an Instrumental Age

2008-04-28T14:18:00.001-05:00

Mercy Medical Center

2008-04-25T10:27:00.006-05:00

an appropriately utilitarian building for the commodified, and oddly ritualized, blood-letting of the perpetually ailing poor.

The Invisible Hand

2008-04-24T12:30:00.006-05:00

it is a truth universally acknowledged that the fast food establishment preferred by certain members of the proletariat is contrary to the one enjoyed by the majority of their comrades.

having sampled the offerings of these "restaurants" and deeming both equally vulgar, the only plausible explanation for this dichotomy is the influence of Darius Rucker--clearly a non-conformist and leader in the opposition movement.

Offices on the Seventh Floor

2008-04-23T11:49:00.010-05:00

on an errand for my mother, I suddenly realized that I had not ridden a lift in weeks.

perhaps because the grand edifices I frequent are generally much wider than they are tall. or maybe because when I occasion a visit to an organization founded on sound investments and more than adequate financing, businessmen usually descend to meet me in the lobby.

Benchmarks Preceeding One's Imminent Demise

2008-04-22T11:11:00.018-05:00

tonight we celebrate the birth of our matron, Madame Wilhemina Eugena Thomson Caddingham.

no one knows for certain who will benefit most by her death. until her final testament reveals which of the Caddinghams she truly favors, we all attend these events and endure her vitriol.

she lavishes he who smiles most. fortunately, Mrs. Caddingham does not discriminate between forced grins and genuine goodwill (primarily because never has she experienced the latter--money and influence are not scarce enough for her to think seriously of any but herself--and knows not its hallmarks); I am anxious to ride her magnificent Friesian.

Monument to a Campanian Age

2008-04-21T10:40:00.001-05:00

Ignorance Abroad

2008-04-18T11:40:00.004-05:00

many believe being "worldly" requires exhaustive travels around the globe. this certainly helps. still, many return from such trips as small as before.

experience alone cannot transform an unthinking individual. those solely concerned with their own perspective will gain no insight to that of a foreign populace (likely, they will only succeed in irritating their hosts) and remain as obtuse as they were before.

obviously, I am not opposed to trips to exotic locales--a holiday at Cairns is always pleasant--but I cannot abide those who think it any more than a fantastic vacation shared with friends. to ascribe meaning to a thing so brief and decadent is tantamount to lunacy.

American Technological Sublime

2008-04-18T09:17:00.009-05:00

the wondrous symbiosis of nature and industry, unique to the American experience.

same. on a slightly larger scale.

either surpasses the mechanical achievements of the French.

Caddingham v. Arkansington

2008-04-17T10:18:00.014-05:00

although we own sizable tracts of land on all three habitable continents, the Caddinghams rarely take legal action to protect our property. agreements between gentlemen are swiftly and obeisantly accorded; handshakes and promises from families of good standing are altogether preferable to settlements and litigation.

however, potentially precedent-setting circumstances involving trees, easement and eminent domain require trial.

The Caddingham Estate at Arkansington

2008-04-16T09:32:00.006-05:00

stone fence set forth by the Saxons, Visigoths or some other such ancient peoples.

Shannon Meadow. a beautiful, if fractious, feature of our property.

"...the country folks, if you asked them, would swear on their Bible that he walks. there are those who speak to having met him near the church, and on the moor, and even within this house--idle tales, you'll say, and so say I. yet that old man by the kitchen fire affirms he has seen two on 'em, looking out of his chamber window, on every rainy night since his death..."

Misboury

2008-04-15T09:53:00.007-05:00

to reach Arkansington, one must travel through the district of Misboury.

the provincial government seems to have appropriated funds meant for public education to the Department of Roads. those fearing the contagious ignorance of rest area employees take heart in the fact that such well-maintained thoroughfares hasten one's departure.

Monument to a Victorian Age

2008-04-14T11:47:00.004-05:00

Arkansington

2008-04-05T11:17:00.002-05:00

I am away south on holiday. my accommodations feature no modern amenities; I suppose their absence is precisely the point of a trip to The Natural State. thus I may truly, in the words of our foreign domestics, "cargar las pilas".

I shall return in a week.

My Father's Sister's Husband's Son From A Previous Marriage

2008-04-04T09:21:00.009-05:00

as is true of all gentlemen of elevated rank, my dear friend and most trusted adviser is also my worthiest adversary. his name is Cecil Augustus Downing. he is my cousin.

I esteem him.

and I abhor him.

Prince Valiant

2008-04-03T09:57:00.012-05:00

each week, the newspaper carries tales of heroism eerily similar to my own experiences.I most identify with the "Prince Valiant" character. the advancing horde is, at this instant, the ever-growing pile of social correspondence and wedding invitations to which I must reply.

Something Said By Those Strange Blokes From Liverpool

2008-04-02T10:35:00.005-05:00

any who question the Anglo-Saxon credentials of Nebraskashire need only observe a dirt road in the middle of Omaha. temperature fluctuations, spring rains, traffic and erosion have pockmarked the route.

local governors seeking reelection would do well to recognize the similarities and ameliorate the situation.

The First Presbyterian Church

2008-04-01T10:26:00.005-05:00

vulgar. even by Presbyterian standards.

Monument to a Linear Age

2008-03-31T11:17:00.004-05:00

The Solarium

2008-03-28T11:31:00.002-05:00

if I were given a Fabergé egg for each instance I told Harvey and Midge to add a solarium to their home I would have, well, that is precisely how I acquired the four I own.
it is a travesty that destitute veterans should have access to something denied respected members of the social elite.

Harvey and Midge's situation provides a tragic commentary on our increasingly authoritarian local government. these officials uphold ridiculously stringent rules for land ownership and development--a foreign investor (Anton Rezko, Esquire) gifted them the property, I fail to see the necessity of a criminal investigation.

Ludwig Mies van der Rohe Said It Best

2008-03-27T11:35:00.002-05:00

the combination of two such countervailing architectural styles leads the on-looker to the only plausible conclusion: the inhabitants are prepared to employ boiling oil in defense of their Colonial commorancy.

Kearney

2008-03-26T10:43:00.004-05:00

though adjacent to the Peak District of Wyomingham, Nebraskashire shares none of its rugged terrain; the land slopes gently toward the Rocky Mountains--true foothills emerge just west of Nebraskashire's border.

Sandhill Cranes

2008-03-25T11:55:00.008-05:00

blame her masculine nature or American literature's overwhelming disregard for the bucolic, Willa Cather failed to adequately convey the winsomeness of the Nebraskashire countryside.

on land or in flight, sandhill cranes move as gracefully as Greta Garbo. however, their transitions from one element to another reveal an awkward gait analogous only to my great aunt at Christmas, after she's imbibed too much wassail.

Monument to an Avian Age

2008-03-24T10:44:00.005-05:00

La Bohème

2008-03-21T09:52:00.004-05:00

if pressed, I would admit that a redeeming quality of gypsies and bohemians is that they so conspicuously identify themselves. tattoos, piercings and other accoutrement allow the gentleman to recognize these individuals and avoid them as necessary.

Green Grocer

2008-03-20T10:24:00.002-05:00

Iowhampton allows gambling most anywhere. the grocery store provides an interesting coadjuvancy; one may disport, then spend the winnings on cleaning products to rid oneself of the stench of desperation.

Portraiture

2008-03-19T10:53:00.005-05:00

my cousins display a portrait of my mother in her youth. she sat for a number of Italian masters--many of whom loved her. ultimately, she married a gentleman whose fortune and legacy guaranteed her position in Nebraskashire society.

he built for her a marble palace on a well-trafficked boulevard; on Sunday afternoons, the fashionable drove broughams on this system of parks and roadways which traversed the city. she amiably hosted these genteel revelers though few could be considered artists and none could boast the talent of even Dutch painters.

Des Moines

2008-03-18T09:51:00.004-05:00

normally, I am quite averse to travel outside of Nebraskashire. I had to forgo such predilection upon receiving a disconsolate message from relations currently residing in Iowhampton. the arbitration of their circumstance necessitated a trip to the capital of that district; there I stayed for a few days.

my wonder at the capitol lies less in the structure than in the philanthropy of its construction. local magistrates trusted crude artisans to affix gold plating to the exterior. many of these laborers, I imagine, had neither seen nor touched the material prior to this assignment.

Monument to a Geometric Age

2008-03-17T11:17:00.001-05:00

Roustabout

2008-03-14T10:06:00.002-05:00

for once I agreed with the insufferable Countess Ellen Olenska when she said, "It seems stupid to have discovered America only to make it into a copy of another country".

despite its many faults, Nebraskashire is truly unique. the employ of Old World techniques (particularly those of the French) in city planning insults the American ingenuity I so admire and results in a rather muddled composition.

Piety

2008-03-13T10:50:00.004-05:00

messages of this nature appear in various forms throughout Nebraskashire. they suggest that adherence to God's will depends upon fear rather than virtue.

the people of Nebraskashire view the world as God's great Panopticon; He serves as the omnipotent warden to a sinful collection of the wrongfully accused.

Douglas County Department of Corrections

2008-03-12T09:57:00.002-05:00

debtors' prison.

The CoinStar

2008-03-11T10:35:00.001-05:00

machine frequented by the urban poor. apparently, it transforms metallic discs (of which I know nothing) into rectangular pieces of colored paper (with which I maintain a slight familiarity).

Monuments of a Gilded Age

2008-03-10T10:42:00.000-05:00

America’s Late, Great Presidential Footnote1

2008-03-07T11:19:00.000-06:00

1 the only President never elected to the Executive Branch was born less than half a league from the Caddingham's ancestral estate at Lake Park.

a fitting tribute to this man's legacy.

Omaha Zoological Society

2008-03-06T10:07:00.000-06:00

an active member, I am proudest of our singular achievements in the display of our collections; everything is neatly categorized and kept at a distance--precisely like the outside world each exhibit represents.

Anecdotage of Malevolence

2008-03-05T10:45:00.000-06:00

Edith Wharton recounts this tale of the urban elite with such ironic self-loathing that I must denounce and reject it. this award-winning literature impugns Joseph Pulitzer's allegiance to the wealthy; I begin to suspect that The Revolution shall manifest more from baseless dissatisfaction within the ruling class than from the listless masses.

Aves Columbidae

2008-03-04T11:10:00.000-06:00

far from the bustle of Trafalgar Square, the pigeons of Nebraskashire are viewed not as pests. rather, as falcons of yore, they are bred, trained and venerated.